We All Have Secrets
by clary-chan
Summary: Near has always had a thing for Mello...what happens if Mello returns his feelings? FLUFF, complete.
1. Chapter 1: prologue

I attempt to arrange my thoughts into coherency, to no avail whatsoever. _What is it about that blonde chocoholic that fascinates me so much?_ I turn the question over and over in my head, just as I twirl the lock of snow-white hair over and over in my fingers. I simply cannot find an answer, no matter how hard I try. Of course, I believe he knows this. I see it in the way he taunts me, in the way he is always bothering me. _He knows how I feel about him, and he is determined to drive me to the point of insanity! _

All of these thoughts swirl through my mind as I continue to bore a hole through the golden hair just inches away with my eyes. Its 1:00 pm, Friday afternoon. Math class in Wammy's house.

Being otherwise occupied with my thoughts, I do not notice at first when I am called on. I glance up at the teacher who is looking at me expectantly from the front of the room.

"Near? Can you answer the question please?"

"234.56" I sigh. _Class is so boring. And too easy…._

"Thank you, Near. But would you kindly pay more attention next time?"

She turns away to face the blackboard again, and I roll my eyes. A large display of emotion for me, the boy with no feelings. That's what some of the other boys call me. _Hah! If only they knew…_I think. _I have feelings; I'm just very, very good at hiding them. If I didn't, I would probably get more bullied and beat up than I do now._

I let my eyes slide back to the blonde head in front of me. But instead of pale golden strands, my dark grey eyes met with narrowed cerulean ones.

"Near…"

"Mello…" I lean back infinitesimally from his smirking face; the look in his eyes was dangerously seductive.

"You know you really can't afford to let your concentration slip…" I stare back at him, now twirling my hair so tightly around my fingers it hurts. _I will not let him know…I cannot let him know._ I chant over and over in my mind.

"Because the moment you falter…" -Mello leaned in closer- "I'll take it all."

I shiver, but not from cold. His words and tone are frightening and alluring at the same time.

Oh no….I realize a second too late that I had been unconsciously leaning closer too, in order to catch more of that warm, chocolate-scented breath. We are now much too close to each other; I, practically on top of the desk, he, tipping his chair back so it was balanced precariously on only two legs.

"M-Mello…" I whisper, I was about two inches away…just two tiny inches between me and those sweetly pouting lips….

"Mello! What the fuck?" the haze coating my mind broke in less than a second. I start and jump back so fast my own chair falls over. I end up on the ground, looking ridiculous, I'm sure. I shake my head to rid myself of the thought of what I had almost just done. _Was I about to….kiss him?_ I am still confused and disoriented from the…incident. The bell rings, saving me. _What a cliché_. I think. I pickup my belongings and speed toward the door, reaching it and tumbling through before the rest of the class has time to react.

Whipping around the corner, I run straight into Roger.

"Oh! Near, hello. Are you having a nice day?" he inquires politely. I swallow, regain my composure and nod.

"Good….I'll be going now." Roger smiles kindly and walks away down the hall. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. Leaning back against the wall, I sigh, sliding down it till I am sitting on the floor. Being still too close to the classroom door for comfort, I curl my knees up to my chest, listening to the sound of children's voices inside.

Barely a minute later the class comes pouring out, chattering and laughing, glad to be finished with the last class of the day. I squish myself closer to the wall, hoping I won't be noticed. Thankfully, I'm not.

As the last stragglers move away around the corners at the ends of the hall, I rise shakily and begin to walk towards my playroom. I need peace and quiet to think things through. Hugging my books tightly to my chest, I inch softly past the still-open door to the classroom. I had watched all the children carefully, noticing that a certain blonde and his red-headed gamer sidekick had not been among them. This meant, of course, that they were still in the room. Probably waiting for everyone else to leave so they could beat me up with no witnesses…

I stop in my tracks, looking at the open door. The teacher, I think, she's still in there! _Maybe I have a chance to get away after all… _But for some reason, even as I thought this, I didn't move an inch. I heard voices…

"Mello, Matt, why don't you join your friends outside?" it was the teacher. _She probably just wants them out of her classroom,_ I think. _Mello is known to destroy things if he has a fit._

"We were going to stay for a bit, if you don't mind. Matt has some work to catch up on." Mello's voice. His words are polite, but I could tell from his tone that he didn't give a damn whether the teacher 'minded' or not. He wasn't moving till he felt like it.

"Well…all right. But don't break anything, please. I'm going on my break now." I heard the teacher get up and footsteps neared the door. I start, and slip behind the door seconds before the teacher comes out. I watch her through the crack under the hinge as she gives one last glance at the boys sitting quietly at two desks, and walks away down the hall.

"So what is it, Matt?" Mello asks, as soon as the footsteps fade away. I was still glued to the spot, listening to their conversation, and watching through the tiny slit between the door and the frame. Mello is still sitting in the same place he had been when-well-the same place he had been five minutes ago. Matt had taken the desk next to him to talk.

"I don't know Mello, you haven't been yourself lately…"

"How so?" Mello seemed to be challenging him.

"You're even more obsessed with Near than usual! I've seen you staring at him, and you keep threatening him, but obviously you never mean it. And now you almost kissed him right in the middle of class!!"

I gasp silently. _He _almost kissed _me?_ But I thought _I _almost kissed _him_…surely if I had Mello would have thrown me down right then and there--wouldn't he?

"And if what you say is true…what are you implying? " says Mello dangerously. I could picture his expression perfectly. His eyes would be narrowed in a predatory way, the blue flashing in a warning that was not to be ignored. I had seen that expression many times--right before I was slammed into a wall.

"Calm down Mello…" says Matt warily. "It was just weird. I thought you hated him."

I can't move. I am frozen in place, wondering if they would continue speaking, or if Mello would effectively end the conversation by decking Matt.

"I-I don't know anymore, Matt."


	2. Chapter 2: eavesdropping

******_** I had to change the tense, because it is incredibly difficult to write in the present tense, and I really can't keep up to standard if I concentrate too hard on that. Hope your not disappointed!! Also, sorry I haven't updated this in so long….computer difficulties..XP****_

**Mello's reply shocked me to the core. I slid to the floor, my legs seemed to have turned into jell-o. I was so shocked I couldn't even think straight…**_**Get a hold of yourself, Near! So Mello just maybe admitted that he doesn't hate you, and that he may have almost just kissed you. So it's nothing to flip out over….well maybe it is, but that's not the point! The point is, is you cannot let your feelings control you like this!! That is how Mello works, not you. You use you brain, you solve the puzzles without getting personally involved! If you continue like this you'll slip and then Mello will beat you! **_

**I tuned out my scrambled thoughts to listen to Mello's next words; **

"**You know, Matt, for the past few weeks I just haven't been able to hate him like I used to. He's just…I dunno, too innocent or something. The way he walks around with stuffed animals and robots. He just looks so…so….adorable." the blonde's voice dropped to a rough whisper on the last word. **_**He..he thinks I'm….adorable?**_

"**Wow, Mell, you really have cracked." Matt sounded amused and slightly incredulous.**

"**You think I'm crazy?" Mello asked, his voice taking on a strangely vulnerable tone I had never heard before.**

"**No. I think you've been confusing love and hatred for waaaaay too long. I could tell from the very beginning that you liked him. You just wouldn't admit it because your too proud…so you used the fact that he scored higher than you on everything as an excuse to hate him. Am I right?" It was the longest speech I'd ever heard the redhead make, besides the rants I'd heard issuing occasionally from his room when either Mello or a video game had gotten on his nerves. Mello seemed to be considering his words, since there was now no sound at all from the two boys in the classroom. **

**I heard a scraping of chairs and realized a few seconds too late that one of them was leaving. I began to scramble to my feet,, but I knew there was no way for me to get away fast enough. And who knows what Mello would do to me if he found out I had been listening, even if, god willing, he really DID love me. **

"**I'll let you think about it for a bit, Mello. See you later!" Matt's voice. The gamer was never quite as violent or frightening as Mello, and now I knew why he would sigh and shake his head whenever Mello went after me again. Obviously he knew all along about Mello's one-sided "rivalry".**

**I stood as still as I possibly could with my back against the wall, I held my breath in the hopes he might not notice me. For the first time I was relieved that I always wore white; it blended in with the wall I was pressed against. Thank goodness I had left my Optimus Prime in my playroom today…he would have ruined my chameleon impression.**

**Matt came through the door, eyes already glued to the DS in his hands. He walked away down the hall, the beeps from his game echoing after him. I breathed an almighty sigh of relief. Thank the lord I wasn't found….I thought. **

**Taking deep breathes to calm my rattled nerves, I peeked through the door, leaning my weight against the frame. The chocoholic hadn't moved an inch since his best friend had left him. A pale curtain of golden hair hid his face from me, he was leaning forward, elbows on knees.**

**The way he sat, with his golden-tan skin, black clothing and shining blonde locks, he looked like an angel mourning it's fall from heaven. I shook my head. **

**I should not be thinking of him that way, though I did anyway almost everyday. Mello wanted to kill me. He made that painfully obvious.**

**But did what I just overheard make that still true? **_**Could the only person I ever loved and who has professed to despise me all our lives have really just been confusing his feelings?**_** It seemed impossible.**

**I must have made some noise, because suddenly Mello stiffened, turning his head slowly to stare at me where I stood stock-still in the doorway. His cobalt eyes burned into my charcoal-grey ones, and when he spoke, his voice was quiet and rough.**

"**Near…"**


	3. Chapter 3: no confrontation?

***AN: so this is the last chapter for this fic, I hope you like it! R&R, pretty please ^.^**

****disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DeathNote or any of the characters therein. Oh, how I wish I did .**

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My name reverberated through my ears, ringing against my skull. Mello's voice didn't sound angry, more rough and resigned. I wondered whether this was an effect from the conversation I had just overheard or my presence in the room.

My breathing was so shallow I could barely hear it above the sound of my own heart beating against my ribcage. That thump-thump-th-thump sound filled my ears and drowned out all other noise.

Mello stared at me through stray locks of butter-gold hair, his cobalt eyes glued to my grey ones. I wanted him to do something, anything. Hit me, shout at me, something to say that this was still the same Mello I had thought I knew for the past ten years… but…nothing. He didn't move.

"I-I heard it, all of it." My voice was barely stronger than a whisper, and though it was still the same emotionless tone I used every day, there was a hint of something… fear, maybe? Or was it hope? I couldn't tell, but Mello could. His eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second before closing completely. He looked back at the floor.

"I know."

"Y-you knew I was there?"

"Yes."

"Then….why-?" my mind would not stop and rest, it spun in circles, around and around. What was it about this boy that made me so unable to comprehend even the simplest thing?!

I didn't even know what I was asking him anymore. He said nothing, and I wasn't surprised. My question hadn't made sense to me, either.

I closed my eyes, and began to turn away. It didn't seem like Mello was going to beat me up, so it was probably best to leave now before it occurred to him to hit me. There was a sudden noise behind me, and I stopped in my tracks, wondering what he would do. Would I go back to my room with a bloody nose and bruises, or would my wish come true…?

A delicate weight on my shoulder made me jump. It was warm, and I could only surmise that it was Mello's hand. I opened my eyes as he turned me to face him, staring up at his gorgeous features with an all-too-hopeful expression. Mello leaned down, and pressed his lips to mine, still gripping my shoulder with his long fingers. I sighed softly, kissing Mello was everything I had thought it would be and more. His lips were soft and warm against mine, his breath tasted like chocolate.

My mind raced, trying to catch up the sequence of events that had led me to standing in an empty classroom kissing the boy I had loved for years, but the soft, warm weight of Mello's lips on mine and the way I could feel his heartbeat through the layers of leather and cotton that separated our chests drove all thought from my mind. I felt light, giddy, even.

Suddenly, he pulled away, looking down at me with warmth radiating from his blue, blue eyes. I could feel the blush creeping across my cheeks and my ears felt very hot. Staring into the blonde's face, I saw an expression I had never seen there before…. It was…. _Love._

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**So that's it for this one, FLUFF and FLUFF. yes it is.**

**thanks for all the wonderful reviews! 3 ^.^**


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